me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
