Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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