Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He? As in you personified your dick?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
