Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
