You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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