The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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