Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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