I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
