fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
