my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
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The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
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answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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