I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
