You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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