I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
