nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
