At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
