I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
