He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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