well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Panties = found
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
