If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
