the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
