I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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