why didn't you poke me back
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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