I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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