matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
