Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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