its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
