these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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