I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
