He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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