put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I don't deserve a penis
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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