Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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