I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize