party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
