I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
They have beer where we have blood.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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