U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
