do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
