he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
