Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
