what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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