so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
