were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
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I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
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So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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