last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
