god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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