Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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