Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize