Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
