ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
