I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
