the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
