he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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