There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
