they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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