That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
