ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
