he wants to bone in the snuggie
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
