dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
