THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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