pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize