she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Randomize