who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
