bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
