i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
