I've blown a few things in my day
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
