idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
