Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
