so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
