I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
