SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
