he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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