She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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