I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
